The 21^st Sunday After Trinity

SERMON

INI

The Word of God for our meditation this morning is selected verses from Proverbs chapter 31, beginning with verse 10. While we will be considering these selected verses, the surrounding verses are instructive and helpful for our meditation—so in the reading of the text I will read all of verses 10-31. Since this is a lengthy section, you may be seated during the reading of the text.

As you now hear these words of Solomon, keep in mind that he had many, many wives. He had the king’s harem filled with women. In a world filled with women, Solomon is describing a virtuous wife…a GOOD wife…God’s design for a wife…an example for women who desire to be a God-pleasing wives and an example for men who are seeking such a treasure.

Text: Proverbs 31:10-12, 23, 25-31

10 Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
13 She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
15 She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
17 She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
20 She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
22 She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
25 Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

In the name of the Triune God who gave Eve to Adam as a helper comparable to him, and thereby created marriage—dear fellow-redeemed in Christ Jesus:

The role of wives is something that has been misunderstood by both men and women from the moment sin entered into the world. When God presented Eve to Adam they both knew perfectly what God intended for each of them. Then sin came and instead of Adam seeing Eve as a God-given gift and HELPER to him, he saw her as a scapegoat and blamed her saying, “The woman…she gave me of the tree and I ate” (Genesis 3:13). Eve’s understanding of her role wasn’t any better. For she—the one whom God had created to be a HELPER comparable to Adam, certainly was not helping him at all when she gave him the fruit of sin.

The role of the wife in a home is STILL widely misunderstood. The Word of God concerning the wife’s role in marriage & home is also often misunderstood. The result of this is that the Bible is painted as being a book that is demeaning to women, that robs them of their rights, that makes of them second-class citizens, and implies that they are very limited in what they can do. Any such limitation perceived to be placed upon wives comes from the minds of sinners because it is not what God says in His Word at all. Far from this, the role of a wife as HELPER is, by God’s design, her glory and her blessing.

So much of what we see in the world today concerning women (and specifically wives) can be traced to a blindness or at the least a lack of understanding about what God does say concerning women. In our world women are at times perceived as nothing more than objects to fulfill a man’s sinful desire…that is NOT how God teaches us concerning women. In our world, husbands and wives frequently have their own spheres in which they operate independently one from another…that is not how God teaches us concerning marriage; and the list of examples could go on.

Martin Luther wrote against an attitude toward wives and marriage that would do anything less than heap love & honor upon the wife. He wrote in a sermon concerning marriage:

“Some have concluded that woman is a necessary evil, and that no household can be without such an evil. These are blind heathen, ignorant of the fact that man and woman are GOD’S creation. I imagine that if women were to write books, they would say exactly the same thing about men. What they have failed to set down in writing, however, they express with their grumbling and complaining whenever they get together. In order that we may not proceed so blindly, but rather conduct ourselves in a Christian manner, hold fast first of all to this that man and woman are the work of GOD…do not criticize HIS work or call that evil which He himself has called “GOOD.” [Luther’s Works, vol. 44, p. 36]

This morning we will be using the words of King Solomon to consider the wife’s role as the God-given HELPER in marriage. So we ask: WHAT IS A CHRISTIAN WIFE? She is I. A gift whom God has given; II. A helper whom the husband trusts; III. A child of God whom the Lord will bless.

I.

Solomon begins, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” [v.1] It is a great treasure indeed to be valued far higher in worth than rubies! We need to go back to the Garden of Eden and the creation of man and woman and of marriage to understand why a wife of noble-character—of God-pleasing character—is so valuable.

When we go back to the Garden of Eden and look at creation, we find VALUE in the EQUALITY that God created between man and woman. “God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female he created THEM. (Man and woman were equally created in the image of God!) Then God blessed THEM (both man and woman!) and said to the THEM, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”(Genesis 1:27-28).

The value in woman is that she is the SAME creation as man. Man and Woman TOGETHER are the crowning highlight of all of God’s creation. Man and woman were each created uniquely—separately from all the rest of creation. Mankind—man and woman—are the beings to whom God has given the authority to have dominion over all the earth—to exercise in a wise and God-pleasing manner!

However, the image of God—that image in which both man and woman were created—was lost when sin entered into the world. So now, we are living with the image destroyed by nature, but regained through faith in Christ Jesus. The EQUALITY of man and woman which God demonstrated when He created them He again demonstrated when he redeemed us. Paul writes, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”(Galatians 3:28). Even though the image of God was lost when sin entered the world, even though much has changed since Eden, man and woman are still equal before God THROUGHT CHRIST JESUS.

Woman is EQUALLY unique in creation…EQUALLY the highest creature in God’s creation…EQUALLY given the earth for dominion…EQUALLY created in God’s image…EQUALLY damned by sin…EQUALLY redeemed by the sacrifice of God’s Son on the cross.

When God describes the differences in roles between husbands and wives, it is not a difference in status, or in importance, or value, or competency. It is only a DIVERSITY of ROLES and that diversity is with PURPOSE!

THE ROLE given to the husband (as we heard last week) is to be as the head, the leader, The role of the wife is as HELPER. Here it is important to remind ourselves that these descriptions of roles are within a marriage. God calls a specific woman to be the HELPER for a specific husband, and he to be the specific leader for that wife in their marriage.

WIVES—no other woman is called to be the HELPER of your husband—JUST YOU! The way in which God defines these roles is not far-reaching in the sense that they make every woman a helper for every man. These roles are defined by God for you in your personal role as wife (or husband) in YOUR marriage. You wives are helpers to YOUR OWN husbands. You husbands are the leaders of YOUR OWN wives. Paul wrote to the Colossians, “Wives submit to your OWN husbands—not anybody else’s husbands, YOURS—as is fitting in the Lord"(Colossians 3:18); and to the Ephesians, “Let each one of you love his OWN wife as himself…” (Ephesians 5:33). As a woman, these words of God are not defining my relationship with any man except my husband, and the same is also true for husbands in relation to their wives.

In the creation woman, God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him…” (Genesis 2:20). When God said, “It is not good…” that does not imply that there was something evil or bad in the creation, because sin wasn’t in the world yet. At that point in God’s creation of mankind it was “not good” because it was not yet complete. “It is not good—completion—that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” This helper would form a perfectly “matched set” together with man. All of the animals that Adam and seen and named didn’t qualify to make a “matched set” with him. They all had their counterparts already—male and female—but not Adam. I will make a helper comparable, to complete him. WIVES—you are the “completers” of your husbands.

We all have by, nature, an independent streak. “I don’t want a helper…I don’t need a helper!” What? You couldn’t do something on your own so you had to become a “mere helper….???!” If someone is in the role of a “helper” they’re easily viewed as somehow being less important, less valuable because they’re “just” helping, they’re not in charge…not in control…not as capable. This simply is not true. This is a misunderstanding of “helper” and certainly not biblical.

From the salvation of our souls to the mundane tasks of earthly life, being a helper is a wonderful thing. At the highest point is the Holy Spirit. Jesus said, “I will pray the Father and He will give you another HELPER that He may abide with You forever” (John 14:16).

Jesus sends His Holy Spirit to HELP us, to encourage us, to create faith, to strengthen that faith. The Holy Spirit’s role as HELPER is not demeaning, it is not less than important, it is of the highest importance. The Holy Spirit, GOD HIMSELF, is called our “HELPER!!”

Was it a 2^nd class situation for Aaron and Hur when they lifted up Moses’ hands in prayer? You might recall that the Children of Israel were doing battle against the Amalekites in a valley below while Moses, Aaron, and Hur looked on from atop a hill. As long as Moses held up his hands Israel prevailed and started winning the battle. When Moses’ hands grew weary and his arms began to sag, and Israel began to lose. So Aaron and Hur took a stone and put it under Moses and then they supported his hands one on one side and the other on the other side (Exodus 17:8ff). Was this unimportant work? NOT AT ALL! It was absolutely crucial for the blessing of Israel. It was absolutely necessary to equip Moses to the work which God had called him to do.

WIVES—your husbands need HELP. God has given you as a gift to your husband to serve as a wonderfully important, incredibly valuable HELPER.

God’s command to Adam and Eve was “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the [earth]…” (Genesis 1:28). Man cannot do this ALONE. God has also given a TREMENDOUS RESPONSIBILITY to the husband as LEADER: “Train up a child in the way he should go…” (Proverbs 22:6). “You fathers do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Husbands CANNOT do this on their own!! But it is their responsibility! They need you—the wives—to equip them, to enable them, to assist them in that VERY important, life-giving work.

Husbands need strength, support, encouragement, the completion enabling them to do the tasks that God has given them. He has given them the responsibility to lead, but they need HELP. We read in our text, “Her husband is known at the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.” [v.23] When the men of the city came together at the gates of the city to talk and do business, THIS man was known and considered great among men…because of his helper. It is the virtuous wife who has made him so great among his peers.

WIVES—you have the role of helping your husband to enable him to do what the Lord has called him to do. These are things he cannot do without you because you are his completer. Does this sound like 2^nd rate…unimportant…not at all!

Part of what is necessary for properly understanding the role of HELPER in a marriage, is to not lose sight of what marriage is. When God created marriage we read, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh…”(Genesis 2:24).

So many people in our world approach marriage as two single people living under 1 roof, and not much more; but that’s not marriage…not as God intends it, according to HIS design. He says, marriage two individuals UNITED/JOINED/BONDED as ONE. From the first day of marriage until the day death takes one spouse or the other, God’s design is that husband and wife be a UNIT. It is no longer just a man doing his thing and a woman doing her thing with both paths crossing for at least a few hours each day. Rather, marriage forms a single unit which pursues whatever is best for the marriage—for the unit, not individual goals.

This does not mean that individual identity is lost, but now those two identities are bonded together into one inseparable union. No longer is anything to be done for selfish ambition because nothing I do is for ME it is for OUR MARRIAGE! So the husband in his leadership isn’t saying, “I’m going to lead this way because that is what I want.” He will instead say, “I’m going to lead this way because that is what our marriage needs.” Likewise, in her role as helper, a wife will not say, “I’m going to go this way because I want to have a choice in this,” but rather, “I want to help. I want to work for the benefit of our marriage.”

When a marriage is a union joined together and pursuing a common goal for the blessing of that UNIT, then there is no such thing as “Why do you always get it YOUR way?? Why can’t I have it MY way??” Then this can’t take place because the husband is leading and the wife is helping for the benefit of a COMMON GOAL.

There are many counter-arguments to the role of helper in marriage. “As a helper I don’t get my way…I don’t have rights to do what I want…” But it is simply not a matter of those things. It is a matter of God choosing and designing a role, putting into place an order for the blessing of the marriage unit.

So wives, you can provide tremendous help for your husbands by giving them good counsel, good advice, assistance, encouragement, comforting them, strengthening them, and so many other things including PRAYING for them. One of the best ways you can serve as helper is to ask your husband, “What can I pray for that will enable you to better fulfill your role as the leader in our marriage?”

Truly a Christian wife is a gift whom God has given to her husband and her worth is far above rubies.

II.

Solomon continues, “The heart of her husband safely TRUSTS her…”[v.11] The value of trust between husband and wife simply cannot be overestimated. When the wife gives counsel to her husband, he can trust her that the counsel is good; that she has at heart his best interests and the best interest of their marriage. Again in our text, “Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the [instruction] of kindness.” [v.25-26] When a husband’s helper has strength and honor, when she is giving words of wisdom and kindness, and following God’s Word in all that she does, then that husband can trust her implicitly. There is no need to fear, for she is his wife and he trusts her!

Husbands need to trust the wisdom, the counsel, and the advice that a wife will give. As a helper, you are always on your husband’s side. It doesn’t mean you’re always going to agree with him, but he never needs to doubt of what your motives are, or why you are giving him the counsel and advice you give.

This trust also comes into play with the affairs of the home. In his letter to Titus, Paul instructs him to teach “The older women…that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, workers of the home.” The home is not the only place that a wife might work, but it is a place that God has assigned her to work. She has dominion, so to speak, over the home. The husband provides the leadership and direction for the household, and then under that leadership & direction, the wife creates the home. This is not just interior decorating and superficial appearances. She is the one who creates the character and atmosphere of the home; she has the joyful task of addressing the needs of the home.

In the longer reading of the text, we heard all the things which the virtuous wife was doing for the benefit of her home, for her family. She is a very ACTIVE, WORKING, BUSINESS WOMAN—for the benefit of her home. If the husband is going to commit to his wife the responsibility of making the home (as God says she is), then his wife needs to be someone whom the heart of her husband can safely trust.

III.

As wives consider these things, it would be inaccurate to conclude: “I’m giving a lot to my husband, but there doesn’t seem to be much in it for me.” By designing the role of HELPER for each wife, God also intends great blessing for her. We shouldn’t suppose that when God gives the role of HELPER to the wife, that He is in any way diminishing or taking blessing away from her. God does not “short-change” faithful wives.

“She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.” [vv.27-28] The wife of Solomon’s description is going to have deep honor, love, and praise from her family…especially from her husband. It will not be a situation in which she does all the work and is a slave in her own home while the rest of the family sits idly by. Hardly! The family will show their love for her and their thanksgiving to her for her labors, by how they respond to her and how they assist her in fulfilling her role in the family, even as she enables them to fulfill theirs.

The wife (and mother) of noble character will be rewarded by the depth of love and devotion which her husband (and children) will shower upon her. The wife’s love for her Lord and her family will prompt her to serve faithfully in the role God has given her; and the husband and children’s love for the Lord and their wife/mother will prompt them to show her ever greater love and thanksgiving. At the end of the text, the WOMAN is being praised at the gates because her family rises up and call her blessed.

Such a woman, such a wife will have true beauty. “Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” [vv.29-30] Herein lies the best encouragement of all for every wife. Even, if your faithfulness to the role God has given seems to go unnoticed by husband or children, don’t let that discourage you from faithfully continuing because regardless of what anyone thinks on earth, you are serving the Lord. “A woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised!”

Husbands and children WILL rise up and praise the God-fearing wife, but even more important than that is the praise and honor which the Lord Himself bestows upon her. For the child of God there is no greater joy than to serve the Lord in truth and faithfulness; and every child of God has the assurance that God will bless us richly when we faithfully follow Him. “Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.” [v.31]

To every child of God—husband, wife, children—the Lord gives salvation to all who put their trust in Him for the forgiveness of sins. There are failings which each of us has in our roles whether as wives or husbands, mothers & fathers, or children. Yet, we also know that in those weaknesses and failings our Savior who died upon the cross for us, forgives those sins and will provide the guidance and strength to put away our sins and overcome our weaknesses.

Far from being demeaning, the role of HELPER is one of great beauty. It is one that God has designed as a very important, vital part of marriage & family life.

A Christian home that is built on Christ, built on the salvation He came to give, is built for success. In such a home, Christ is out in front, ultimately leading the way. Following Christ is the husband as he leads the marriage “unit” but right there at his side is God’s gift to him—the wife whom he loves and trusts supporting him and providing to their marriage the help that is needed. May God grant each of our homes such a wonderful blessing through His design and will. Amen.

—Pastor Wayne C. Eichstadt